Tea and Conversation
by PipMer
Summary: **** DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, I AM CONTINUING THIS STORY *** Sherlock is out of town on a case. John is snowed in and can't find the tea. Text messaging ensues. Could be seen as a sequel to "It's for an Experiment", although it can also be read on its own. Pre-slash.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A kind reader of my first texting story said she'd read more in this style, so I decided to write a second one. The first story was strictly gen; this one veers into pre-slash, although nothing remotely explicit. Let me know if this works; I intended for the emphasis to be more on friendship than on actual romance. I've never attempted pre-slash or slash before. **

**Contains spoilers for both seasons. Totally unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.**

* * *

><p><em>Sherlock, where did you put the tea?<em>

_Sherlock?_

_Dammit it, there's the storm of the century blowing outside, I'm trapped inside this flat, and I can't find the bloody tea. Where did you put it?_

Why would the fact that you can't find the tea be my problem?

_Because I always put it back in its proper place. Since it's not there, the only conclusion would be that you're the one who last used it, and didn't put it back. I'm stuck in the flat due to the snow storm, so I can't go out and buy more. You better have put it somewhere that I can access within the next five minutes. So help me, if you used all of it in an experiment, I'm going to throttle you._

How were you planning to go about 'throttling' me? I am currently 300 miles away. And I still fail to see how your situation is in any way my problem.

_So, you did use all of it in an experiment._

I didn't say that.

_If you hadn't, why would you respond to my threat by asking how I planned on doing it? There would be no need for me to do it if you were innocent, would there? Ergo, you used the last of the tea in an experiment._

Very good, John. I'm happy to see that my influence has not entirely been wasted on you.

_I didn't get to be a doctor by being stupid, Sherlock._

Of course not. I never meant to imply otherwise.

_So that means that, for however long this storm lasts, I'm not even going to be able to enjoy the simple pleasure of a hot mug of tea. Lovely. Thanks for that, Sherlock. Funny how even when you're not here, you still manage to ruin my day._

Really, John, isn't that a bit harsh? How often is it that I actually manage to 'ruin your day'?

_Stop using quotes to ridicule my words, Sherlock. I'm not using hyperbole, I'm stating the simple fact._

Give me one example of when I truly ruined your day.

_You really want to do this, Sherlock?_

Why not? I'm comfortably ensconced in my hotel room; I have nowhere to be for the next few hours. Go on, then; how many examples can you come up with? What I think you'll find is that I've saved the day more often than I've ruined it.

_It never ceases to amaze me how truly massive your ego is._

It's only the truth.

_Jesus. Alright, fine. You ready?_

Of course. To quote one of your horrid idioms, 'hit me with your best shot'.

_During the Blind Banker case ALONE, I can name two days that were ruined because of you. One, the day I got an ASBO. Two, the day where you not only ruined my date, but got me and her kidnapped and nearly killed._

One: As you already know, I got Mycroft to get rid of that ASBO for you. Two: Sarah was dull, and she ended up dumping you in the end anyway. Three: I'm the one who found you and rescued you.

_All true, but the point is that the fact that I found myself in those situations to begin with was because of you. You saved the day only in the sense that you fixed what you yourself had broken._

John, just the very fact that we are associates, that we work together, puts you in the position where things like that are bound to happen. It's the nature of our profession. It's not like I set out to intentionally ruin your day.

_How is the fact that I got an ASBO the result of the nature of YOUR profession? You abandoned me and let me take the fall!_

OUR profession, John. You are my partner, my colleague. And if you had run like Raz and I did, you would have been fine. You should have followed my lead, like you always do.

_Alright, then. I've got a non-case related one. Remember the Christmas when Irene Adler supposedly died? I had to cancel my date with Jeanette… which, by the way, resulted in my being dumped… in order to babysit you and make sure you didn't relapse. My holidays were a total wash that year. All because of you._

_Sherlock?_

_Can't come up with an "I saved the day" for that one, can you?_

_The great Sherlock Holmes can't admit that I came up with a legitimate example. Mature, Sherlock, very mature._

_Alright, since you're giving me the silent treatment, I'll just leave you be until you get back. And once you do, you're going to buy me a month's supply of tea which I will keep in my room under lock and key. Not that that will stop you, of course._

…

…

…

_It's been two days. Are you okay?_

_Are you still upset that I won our little argument?_

_This is childish. If you don't respond within the next five minutes, I'm calling Mycroft and telling him that you're missing._

I thought you had done those things because you were my friend.

_What?_

Staying with me over Christmas and New Year's. I didn't realise that you felt obligated and resentful about doing so.

_Oh Christ… is this why you've been avoiding me for two days?_

I'm actually up here working, I don't have time to sit around and make small talk with you over texts. And I certainly don't have the time to sulk over something that happened years ago.

_Right, that's why it was the first thing you brought up after two days of silence._

Now that you know I'm alive, I'll thank you to not contact me again while I'm away. I'm very busy trying to solve a case, and I don't need the distraction.

_Really, Sherlock, for a genius, you really are clueless. Trying to deflect is not going to work, especially with me._

_You are insufferable._

_Alright, fine. I won't text or call anymore for the remainder of your trip. I hope you enjoy being a git in Scotland as much as you enjoy being one here._

…

…

…

John.

_Sherlock? Are you still in Edinburgh?_

Waiting for train. ETA in London, five hours.

_I'm sorry, Sherlock. I realised why you were so upset over what I said._

What?

_When I said that looking after you ruined my holidays._

It did.

_It didn't, not really. I was cross because Mycroft practically ordered me to cancel my plans and make sure you weren't left alone. But I wouldn't have agreed to do it if I hadn't been concerned. You're my friend, Sherlock. It could never ruin my day by taking the time to make sure you're alright. I'm sorry._

Is that what I am, your friend?

_Of course. You're my best friend. I thought I was yours as well._

Is that _all _I am?

_What do you mean?_

Not important. It's alright, John, I understand. I concede, I am a difficult person to live with. I have no doubt that I have, at times, ruined your day. It is never intentional.

_Well, except for the time you thought you had drugged my coffee._

That was for an experiment.

_Yes, we've been over that before, no need to rehash it. Anyway, you said you'd be home in, what, five hours? Fancy Angelo's when you get back? My treat._

Certainly. I take it the snowstorm has abated, and you're able to leave the flat?

_Yes, it ended days ago._

Were you ever able to procure some tea?

_Yes, actually, Mrs. Hudson had some. You're still buying me a month's supply, by the way. Don't think you're going to get out of that one._

Fine.

_I'm really glad we both have unlimited text plans, by the way. This would cost a bloody fortune otherwise._

We could just stop.

_No, that's fine. I don't want to stop._

Good. That's good.

_What did you mean, by the way?_

When?

_When you asked if that's all you were, my best friend. How could you be anything more than that?_

I think what we have goes beyond mere friendship, don't you think, John?

_Sorry, I don't follow._

We had an almost instant connection. You killed a man for me the day after we met. You offered to give up your life for me at the pool. I was willing to sacrifice my reputation and my life in order to save yours. What do you call that, John? Friendship seems too small a word.

_I don't know, then. What would _you _call it?_

I have a word for it, if I didn't know myself better. However, I am not capable of such a thing.

_What word are you talking about?_

Doesn't matter. Like I said, I am incapable.

_Are you still going on about being a sociopath? Because I have evidence to the contrary._

That was my official diagnosis, John, from three different professionals. I was seventeen at the time. Personalities are ingrained by that age, they don't change.

_No greater love, Sherlock._

What?

_Oh right. You deleted it. Of course you did._

What are you going on about?

"_No greater love has a man than this; that he lay down his life for his friends." That's what you did, Sherlock, or as good as. You didn't die, but you gave up your life as you knew it. You were alone; no work, no friends, no home, for a solid year. Don't you dare feed me that sociopath bullshit._

So you agree that friendship does not adequately describe our relationship?

_I agree with that, yes._

How would you describe it?

_You're putting me on the spot here, you know._

Irene said that we were a couple.

_Well, we're obviously not._

Aren't we?

_Of course not! We're not romantically involved._

Does that matter?

_Of course it does! That's the definition of a couple._

We could be.

_We could be what?_

"Involved", as you say.

_I'm not gay, Sherlock._

And Irene was. What's your point?

_What's YOUR point?_

Don't be obtuse.

_You want me to describe our relationship._

Yes.

_We're like brothers, Sherlock. Closer than brothers, if your relationship with Mycroft is anything to go by. But there's no physical attraction._

Perhaps not. But that's not the most important part of a relationship, is it? Sex is just so dull. What we have is not dull.

_How would you know it's dull?_

Not you too? I'm not a virgin, John. Neither am I celibate.

_You're not? I've known you for three years, and I've never known you to be with anyone._

I was gone for an entire year when I was beyond your observation.

_Oh god… I don't even want to know._

_Men or women?_

I thought you didn't want to know.

You and I are cut from the same cloth. I'm not gay either.

_Then why did you say we could be involved?_

Because, as Irene so kindly pointed out to both of us, our friendship goes beyond labels.

And I've heard it said that physical desire often follows emotional intimacy. Lack of initial attraction doesn't preclude the development of such.

_I've never been attracted to another man._

I haven't before, either.

_Before what?_

_Oh god._

_Are you saying what I think you're saying?_

What do you think I'm saying?

_I think you're saying that you're attracted to me. Physically._

_Are you?_

I'm certainly attracted to you intellectually and emotionally. Sometimes a physical connection takes more time to manifest.

John?

Obviously, the word couple scares you. Brothers, then. Brothers is an apt description.

John?

John, please don't do this.

…

…

…

**Three hours later:**

_Brothers is a horribly inadequate word._

Is it?

_Yes. Definitly._

"Definitly"?

_Indubitaebly._

How many beers have you had?

_Not beer. Whisky._

There's whisky at the flat?

_Not at flat. At pub with Greg._

Greg who?

_Greg Lestrad, you idiot._

Lestrade, you mean?

_Is what I said. Typed. Whatever._

If brothers is an inadequate word (which I'm surprised you spelled correctly, given your obviously inebriated state), what would be an adequate one?

_Soul mate._

I actually laughed out loud at that one. Seriously, are you a fourteen year old girl?

_Is the only adeguate word. Nothing else fits._

That's almost as bad as the word 'lovers'.

_Not lovers. Soul mates._

Why did you take three hours to respond? I thought you were angry with me.

_Not angry. Thinking. And drinking. Ha! I'm a poet, Sheirlock._

Our relationship doesn't have to change in any way, John. I'm perfectly content with the way things are. More than content, actually.

_I want things to change._

In what way ?

_Greg says I should talk to you in person, not over text._

Tell Lestrade to mind his own business. This is between you and me.

_Yes. I'm between a rok and a hard place._

You're not making any sense, John.

_If I tell you, I'm screwed. If I don't, I'm screwed._

Tell me what?

_That I'm in_

_That I love you._

_Have ever since you came back. From the ded._

_Not in a sexual way. Plutonic. Purely plutonic. I thought. Not so sure now._

_I imagined it. Kissing you. Was not unplesent. What does thyat MEAN?_

_Sherlock?_

_**Dammit, if you don't answer him, Sherlock, I will personally come down to the train station when you arrive and haul you into a cell for the night. –GL**_

Lestrade. To what do I owe this dubious pleasure?

_**Your childish actions. Have you been leading him on or what, you total arsehole? –GL**_

What. Are. You. Talking. About.

_**He's in love with you, Sherlock! How could you have missed it? –GL**_

Impossible. He told me himself that he's never been attracted to a man.

_**I didn't say he was attracted to you… I said he was in love with you! And now, apparently you've said something that's making him reconsider the former. –GL**_

We were discussing the nature of our relationship. He stopped talking to me, went and got himself plastered, and now he thinks we can have a coherent conversation about the nature of his feelings for me? Please, Lestrade. The man just needs to sleep it off. Take him home, put him to bed. I'll talk to him in the morning.

_**Damn right, you will. This is too much like how it was while you were gone. Evenings spent babysitting John Watson while he got pissed and cried in his beer over you. Fix this, Sherlock. –GL**_

I have every intention of doing so.

And thank you, Greg.

_**For what? -GL**_

For watching over him. Both then and now.

_**It was never a burden, Sherlock. –GL**_

I know. I just wanted to make sure you were thanked. If you can, hold off on any cases for a day or so. I think John and I need some time to chat.

_**Will do. And good luck. I have a feeling you're going to need it. –GL**_

_**TBC...**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sherlock? -GL**_

What?

_**How are you and John doing? -GL**_

Busy.

_**You're getting busy? Great, so everything worked out? -GL**_

Don't be an idiot. I'm busy, and haven't got time for inane chatter.

_**I just wanted to know how your talk with John went? After he sobered up? -GL**_

It didn't.

_**What? -GL**_

We haven't talked.

_**Sherlock! You promised me you would take care of things! That's why I haven't bothered texting you for two days, you asked me to give you time so you could sort things with John. -GL**_

Things haven't gone according to plan.

_**What do you mean? -GL**_

He doesn't remember our conversation.

_**He was that drunk? -GL**_

Obviously.

_**Can't he just check his texting log? -GL**_

Not anymore.

_**Sherlock! You stole his phone and deleted his texts? Isn't that counterproductive? -GL**_

Counterproductive to what?

_**To having the conversation you promised me you would have! -GL**_

There's no need for that now, is there? He has no memory of it, and there's no longer any evidence of it. It's no longer a problem.

_**You giant git! His feelings are still there, they haven't gone away. And he surely remembers the conversation you were having before he got to the bar. –GL**_

His memory is very fuzzy of prior events. And I deleted those texts as well.

_**Sherlock Holmes! I swear to god you have NO sense of propriety or privacy! You can't just tamper with people's emotions and memories like that. Pretending it didn't happen doesn't make things better. You NEED to talk to him. –GL**_

What for? There's no reason for it. He's not aware he spilled his guts to me, or that we came dangerously close to ruining our friendship. Things are back to the way they were, meaning, things are perfect.

_**Perfect? Is that how things were between you two before? You're not fooling anybody. –GL**_

Lestrade, do keep your nose out of our business. You know nothing about our relationship.

_**Sherlock, John Watson poured out his heart to me that night. He showed me all the texts you two exchanged during your trip. How long are you going to deny what's going on here? -GL**_

Piss off, Lestrade.

_**Let me think about that for a sec… Nope, don't think I will. –GL**_

Do NOT interfere where you are not wanted. John and I are fine; our relationship is just fine. What's that saying? 'Don't fix something that's not broken'? John and I are not broken. So kindly back off.

_**Of course you're not 'broken'. But if there's a chance that you and John could be.. closer.. wouldn't you want that? -GL**_

What makes you think I would want that?

_**Because John showed me your texts, remember? –GL**_

And?

_**I am seriously going to throttle you. –GL**_

What is it about you and John both wanting to throttle me? Do you two have some kind of BDSM kink going on?

_**Christ… I truly don't know how he puts up with you. –GL**_

That makes two of us.

He's home.

_**Where's he been? -GL**_

On a date with Mary.

_**I thought they broke up ages ago. –GL**_

They did. He called her last night, thought they could give it another go.

_**And you're just going to let him? -GL**_

Why wouldn't I? It was my idea.

_**What? It's not Mary that he wants, Sherlock. –GL**_

John doesn't know what he wants. I thought I would give him a nudge in the right direction. Mary is the least objectionable of all the women he's ever dated.

_**The least objectionable – Jesus, and they call you a genius. –GL**_

That's because I am one.

Got to dash. Laterz.

_**We're not done talking about this, Sherlock. –GL**_

Yes, we are.

…

…

…

John?

_Not now, Sherlock, I'm on a date. _

Lestrade called about a triple murder. Meet me at NSY in ten minutes.

_I'm sure you can handle this one on your own, Sherlock. Mary and I are queued up to see the 4:00 movie, then we're going out to eat. I'll see you tonight._

Could be dangerous.

_Not going to work this time. We're eating at Angelo's, I'll bring you home leftovers._

Chicken parmesan?

_I'm not ordering YOUR favourite dish for ME to eat while I'm out on a date! You'll get whatever it is I decide I'm in the mood for. _

That's not a very friendly way for you to make up for the fact that you're abandoning me.

_I'm not trying to make up for anything! You're the consulting detective, go… consult._

You're my partner.

_Not today. _

Always.

_Not working._

John, I NEED you. This is going to be a complex and interesting case, I'm going to need your assistance.

_You got along perfectly fine before I came along; you don't need me._

I didn't, and I do.

John?

_Mary's in the loo, so I can talk to you for another five minutes, then you'll have to leave me alone. It WAS your idea for me to get back together with her, you realise._

I didn't expect your relationship with her to interfere with our work.

"_Our" work? You're the detective; I'm a doctor._

You're MY doctor. You only work at the clinic part-time; you work for me full-time.

_I work FOR you? What, I'm your subordinate now?_

You know what I mean.

_I really don't. Explain it to me._

I'm the brains, John, and you're the heart.

_I'm the heart?_

Of course. I don't have one of my own, of course, so you're the proxy. I need you here with me to balance me out, to smooth out my rough edges. You are _necessary, _John.

John?

_I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Well, aside from calling me a conductor of light, of course._

It's only the truth. And it doesn't only apply to the work.

_What do you mean?_

You are necessary to my work, obviously. But you are also necessary in other areas as well.

_Such as?_

_Sherlock?_

I've arrived at Scotland Yard, I need to be briefed by Lestrade. If you're sure you aren't coming, I'll see you later tonight.

_Alright. See you then._

…

…

…

_**John, I've been trying to call you. As soon as you get this, you need to come to Charing Cross Hospital. Sherlock's been shot. –GL**_

Charing Cross Hospital. My brother's been shot. -MH


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Utmost apologies on how long it's taken me to update! I hope some people are still reading, and I hope you enjoy. Sherlock/John and hints of Lestrade/Mycroft.  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em><strong>How is he? -GL<strong>_

Still in surgery. It'll probably be another couple of hours. –MH

_**I'm sorry I couldn't stick around. I'll be back as soon as all the paperwork here is taken care of. How's John? -GL**_

How do you THINK he is? Honestly, Inspector, why must you ask questions to which you already know the answer? -MH

_**You're not the only one who cares about what happens to him, Mycroft. –GL**_

There are only two people currently living who care about my brother, and one of them is me. –MH

_**That is not true. Mrs. Hudson cares. I care. –GL**_

Oh, yes? Tell me, Inspector, how much of that care comes from a sense of obligation because he put his life and reputation on the line to save you? -MH

_**None of it. Do you think that's the only reason John cares? -GL**_

Of course not. Dr. Watson is the exception to many rules when it comes to Sherlock. –MH

_**Well, he's not the only one who cares about Sherlock without qualifications. At any rate, I need to finish up here. Let me know when he gets out of surgery. –GL**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>John, are you alright? –GL<strong>_

_He wanted me to come along, Greg. He asked for me, and I refused. If I had been there, I would have been able to protect him. _

_**No, don't you start. It could have been you instead. –GL**_

_Better me than him. The world needs Sherlock Holmes. _

_**And Sherlock Holmes needs you. I can't imagine him without you anymore. –GL**_

_I pretended to not remember, you know._

_**Remember what? -GL**_

_The night at the pub. I made him think I was too drunk to remember anything, but I remember everything, crystal clear. I was a coward. _

_**That makes two of you, then. At any rate, you'll have a chance to tell him when he wakes up. –GL**_

_He hasn't woken up yet, and it's been two days._

_**He will, John. The swelling on his brain needs to go down first. You know this, you're a doctor. –GL**_

_The swelling on his brain. Oh god, Greg, his brain! The thing that makes him who he is. What if it's irreversibly damaged? _

_**You can't think like that. You need to have some faith. This is Sherlock; he's not going to go down without a fight. –GL**_

_No; I won't let him. Mycroft said he can get me in to visit him, and I'm not going to leave his side until he wakes up. Actually, I'm not leaving his side ever again. _

_**Don't become too overprotective, John; you'll only stifle him. As much as he adores you, I don't think he would stand for that. –GL**_

_He needs a bloody protector. He's stuck with me, he'll just have to live with it._

* * *

><p><strong>SIX WEEKS LATER:<strong>

_Sherlock where the FUCK are you_

Language, John. Do you kiss Mrs. Hudson with that mouth?

_WHERE ARE YOU?_

Out.

_Wrong answer. You weren't to leave the flat for another week._

I'm not an invalid, John.

_You were shot in the back! And suffered a subdural hematoma. You were unconscious for five days, and you only got out of hospital a week ago._

I thought you weren't to be home for another three hours.

_I'm NOT at home, I'm at work. Mrs. Hudson rang me when she went to check on you and you weren't there._

I just went downstairs to Speedy's for a sandwich. I'll be back in five minutes.

_You couldn't have had Mrs. Hudson go get it for you?_

I COULD have, obviously.

_Then why didn't you?_

I'm going stir-crazy, John! I can't just sit around the flat and do nothing. I had to get out for a breather.

_I KNEW I should have never left you alone. I'm going to kill Mycroft for convincing me to go back to work so soon._

Really, John, it's not like I'm out running after criminals. I'm just a few feet from our front door. Nothing to worry about.

_As soon as you're back on your feet and accepting cases, I'm going to quit the surgery and only work with you._

Really?

_Yes. I'm not going to risk me not being there next time._

John, it wasn't your fault.

_It was. If I had been there, I would have had your back._

You can't _always _be with me, John. You weren't even at work, you were on a date. Are you just going to quit dating now, too?

_Yes._

Don't be ridiculous.

_I'm dead serious. _

I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

_Obviously, you're not, or you wouldn't have ALMOST DIED!_

Nature of the business, John. Could be dangerous, remember?

_When we're together, the chances of either one of us getting killed is drastically reduced. Therefore, whenever you're out on a case, I will be there with you. Period._

What about Mary?

_What about her?_

What if there's a case when you are otherwise engaged?

_Who do you think is more important to me, you or her?_

How would I know?

_You're an idiot._

That's what Lestrade thinks as well.

_In what way?_

Aren't you supposed to be working?

_No patients at the moment._

You and I are supposed to have a conversation.

_About?_

You know perfectly well what about. I would think that by this time you would know how utterly useless it is to try and keep anything from me.

_Greg told you._

Told me what?

_That I remember everything you and I texted about that day. That I wasn't so drunk that I didn't know what we had said to each other._

Lestrade didn't have to tell me anything.

_How did you know?_

I didn't know, I observed. Something you would do well to learn.

_I guess we've been dancing around each other long enough, yeah?_

Yes.

I'm back in the flat, I won't leave again today.

_Thanks for that, very reassuring._

I'm trying to say that I'll be here, ready and willing to 'talk'.

_Oh. Okay._

_About us?_

Evidently.

_Right. Okay, I'll be home in 2._

See you then, John.

* * *

><p><strong>TWELVE HOURS LATER:<strong>

_**Mycroft, neither John nor Sherlock are answering their phones. Could you check on them for me? –GL**_

No need to worry, Inspector, our boys have turned their phones off for the duration. -MH

_**For the duration of what? –GL**_

Their 'conversation'. -MH

_**Oh. -GL**_

_**OH.**_

Yes, quite. –MH

_**Alright, then. Say, fancy a drink at that club of yours? –GL**_

I would be delighted, Inspector. I'll send a car. –MH

One rule, however. No talking about my brother and his… partner and what they might be up to. –MH

_**Oh god. Agreed wholeheartedly. –GL**_

Splendid. See you in ten. -MH


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Readers wanted more, so I am continuing this story. ******All spelling, grammatical and punctuation errors in Lestrade's texts are intentional, due to the Inspector's inebriation.****

****Chapter Summary: John has trouble with his phone, Sherlock changes ring tones, and Mycroft and Greg ******** get caught in the middle. Sherlock/John, Lestrade/Mycroft****

* * *

><p>Lestrade, have you seen John? -SH<p>

_**No, mate, should I have? -GL**_

"Mate"? Oh, great, you're at the pub now, aren't you? -SH

_**Yep! -GL**_

You're not there with my brother, are you? –SH

_**No! Do you think he's set foot in tone of the se things? -GL**_

I should hope not. –SH

_**So, can't find John, eh? Did you two have a fight? -GL**_

Why would you say such a thing? -SH

_**Because the onl;y time he ever ignores your texts is when he's angry wit you. Wasn't a difficult deducing –GL**_

"Deduction" -SH

_**What? -GL**_

Never mind. We may have had a – disagreement. –SH

_**I'll have Mycroft keep a lookout for him with his camera thingies. –GL**_

Thank you, Lestrade -SH

_**Welcome. So, you and John… officially together now, eh? ;) -GL**_

It would seem so. –SH

_**Well, congrats. About time you two got you r act's together. –GL**_

Yes, and already he's walked out on me. Not much cop, this caring lark. –SH

_**You two fight all the time, nothin new. Hell get over it, whatever it is. What did you do, anyway? –GL**_

Why would you assume it was me that did anything? –SH

_**Cuz I know you ;) -GL**_

I may have changed his ringtone to "It's Raining Men". And it may have gone off in the middle of Dimmock's crime scene. And Anderson and Donovan may have been there as well. –SH

_**Holy crap, Sherlock, that's BRILLIANT! I wish I had been there to see his face! LOL! -GL\::**_

"LOL"? -SH

"_**Laughing out loud" . ROFLMFAO!11111 -GL**_

Honestly, Lestrade. –SH

_**Sorry, sorry. That;s just too funny! I'll have to tell Mycroft that one. –GL**_

I wish you wouldn't. –SH

_**Why not? -GL**_

Because I may have remotely changed Mycroft's ringtone to "Dancing Queen", and I don't want to give him reason to commiserate with my – with John. –SH

_**Remotely… how the hell did you manage that? –GL**_

Oh, it was easy, once I put my mind to it. –SH

_**You really are a piece of work. "Dancing Queen", really? -GL**_

Yes, well, it's a bit of an inside joke. Ask Mycroft about the time John and I went to Buckingham Palace. –SH

_**Don't think I really want to know. –GL**_

If you hear from John, will you tell him I'm sorry? And that I want him to come home? –SH

_**It was just a joke, Sherlock, I'm sure he'll think it's funny once he's calmed down. –GL**_

Just tell him, would you? –SH

_**Sure, mate, sure, whatever. I'll tell him. –GL**_

Thank you. –SH

* * *

><p><em>I really want to snog you right now. –JW<em>

Come home, then. –SH

_PUNCH! I want to PUNCH you right now. –JW_

You don't want to snog me? -SH

_Not at the moment, no. –JW_

Shame. –SH

_That was really embarrassing, Sherlock. What if my phone had gone off in the middle of a patient consultation? -JW_

You won't have to worry about that too much longer, since you'll be quitting your surgery job in another two weeks. –SH

_That isn't the POINT, Sherlock! God, I really could just shag you right now. –JW_

_KILL! I could just KILL you right now! Did you do something with my autocorrect? –JW_

I don't think your phone even has an autocorrect function. –SH

_Whatever. Just… don't touch my phone ever again, alright? Jesus Christ. It's like dealing with a gorgeous five-year old sometimes. –JW_

Why thank you, John. You're quite attractive yourself. –SH

_What? Oh Christ… I meant to say stroppy, not gorgeous. Something's definitely wrong with my phone. –JW_

I don't think it's autocorrect, I think that's just your subconscious acting out. Will you come home now? -SH

_Where else would I go? -JW_

Nowhere, I hope. –SH

_Of course not. There's no place I'd rather be than at home buggering you. –JW_

Are you sure you're ready to take that step? I thought we were taking it slow. -SH

_BUGGING! OH MY GOD, BUGGING YOU! -JW_

_When I get home you're showing me how to turn this thing off. –JW_

Fine. -SH

_Almost there. Um, Sherlock… would you actually be interested in, um, well… you know? –JW_

In taking our relationship to the next level? -SH

_Yes, exactly, thank you. –JW_

What's the typical rate of progression? We've only just kissed and shared a bed thus far. –SH

_I thought you said you weren't a virgin? –JW_

I'm not, but I'm certainly not an expert on these things. You, on the other hand. Dr. Three-Continents Watson… -SH

_There's no set rate that we have to go at. Whatever we're both comfortable with. Neither one of us has been with a man before, so I'm fine with not rushing things. –JW_

Good. Fine. It's all fine. –SH

_I love you. –JW_

_Sherlock? -JW_

Autocorrect? -SH

_No. –JW_

You've never said that to me whilst sober before. –SH

You must know that I return the sentiment. –SH

_Yes, I do, but it would be nice to have you say it back to me at some point. –JW_

Not over text. To your face. COME HOME NOW. –SH

_Will be there in five minutes, Sherly. –JW_

_Oh god… Sherlock. I meant Sherlock. Sorry –JW_

Not a problem, Short Stuff. –SH

* * *

><p><span>Gregory, was that really necessary? -MH<span>

_**I think it was pure genius, actually. Don't you? –GL**_

Yes, charming. I can only hope that my future brother-in-law doesn't hold a grudge against me because my SO decided he would play a practical joke by messing with his phone settings. –MH

_**OK, there are so many things about that statement that begs the question WTF? –GL**_

Like what, Gregory? -MH

_**Like, future brother-in-law? Can you really see Sherlock married? –GL**_

No, but I never thought I would ever see him in love, either. –MH

_**Fair cop. What about SO? -GL**_

Isn't that what you are to me, now? Or would you prefer the tawdry term 'lover'? –MH

_**No, erm, significant other is …fine. –GL**_

Good, Now that that tediousness is out of the way, would you like to join me in viewing surveillance videos of Sherlock and John inside 221b? -MH

_**I wouldn't miss that for the world. On my way. –GL**_


End file.
